Becoming a Mother at 42

To think of having a kid at 42 may not be too uncommon anymore, but is still unconventional. You can see the surprise in subtly raised eyebrows masked poorly with excitement, desperately refraining from giving away the more honest, ‘are you nuts’ expression. I don’t blame any of those, as I myself think that the decision was ludicrous. But then we have never done anything by the book in our life.

Having a child is highly recommended from those who have them, so we didn’t want to miss out. The opportunity to not stagnate, explore a new dimension of a relationship (ours and with a child) and expand the absolute core unit as a family made us finally hop on board.

From the time we started planning, to many meandering sub-plots, and to finally conceiving at 44, our journey has been fortunately ordinary in my view. As uncommon as it is to have kids this late, I have to be grateful that it was minus any drama, except for one plot twist - twins! So this story doesn’t come with any major heart-wrenching or ‘rising from the ashes’ moments (barring anything you might expect at trying to have a baby late in life). In fact, it comes with hope for those who need time and genuine certainty to have kids. You’re ready when you’re ready, and no amount of well-intentioned advice changes that.

I’ll skip to the run up to the ‘birth’ and not the boring preamble of tests, follicular studies, Ayurveda therapies, injections and a colossal amount of meds. Given my age and the fact that we were expecting twins, the risk of high blood pressure, underweight babies and hence, NICU time and related issues, did loom large in our heads on many occasions. But the worry always melted away, thanks to our wonderful doc. Eternally grateful to Dr. Gayatri Rao being extremely transparent yet so cheerful and calm in her interactions, that every scan and appointment placated any wracked nerves. In fact, we loved the coffee time (for my husband) at the Women’s hospital in Khar in Bombay. The ‘bated breath’ parts were just finding out the weight milestones, and seeing if we could wrangle out the genders from the immovable radiologist :)!

"Something that I don't want to mention on the Internet, but explore all options of getting pregnant if you want it that bad."

The actual birth was a planned C-section right from the beginning, which was a relief, as it allowed me to accept that there might be post surgery slowness. While twins are often given a hasty entrance to the world at ~32 weeks, we pushed it till nearly 36 weeks (full term for twins). While the last month was uncomfortable, and I could have pushed the date even more, it was not recommended. All we wanted was to not land up in the NICU and ensure that the weight of the kids grew steadily inside. A COLOSSAL protein surge in the last 2 months along with an otherwise balanced diet, I managed to hit above the target weight.

On the day of C-Sec, was wheeled in and given the spinal anesthesia, which didn't kick in for a substantial time. As the doctor asked us to play our ‘babies arrival playlist”, we waited for numbness. The surgery team was about to give up and action out a GA, barely 15 seconds into one of our favourite songs, we heard a shrill cry -’It’s a boy”. Ironic that the song playing was ‘Brown Eyed Girl’. My husband and I looked at each other, smiling, crossing fingers, hoping that the next one was a girl. A surreal scooping sensation feeling and there she was.

Recovery was surprisingly smooth. I was on my feet within a day, showering by day two. There was swelling, some slowness, but within two weeks, I felt like myself again - physically. The PPD phase is a story for another time.

P.S: I have to credit ALL doctors, nurses and fringe support systems for NEVER referring to ours as a ‘geriatric pregnancy’! That absence of this language mattered more than I expected. It removed the weight of assumption of risk and problems being the headline.

It made all the difference.