The Safest Space

10 march 2024

It's been a mad two days but i wanted to put this note down before we left this safest space to soon fend for ourselves. I already feel I'm forgetting some important bits but here's how our baby boy's birth went.

*Early labour:*

We went in on Thursday afternoon for a second round of labour encouragement. After a second membrane sweep where i was 2cm dilated i could only get through two rounds of nipple pump stimulation by which time my contractions felt too much to take.

We stopped there and decided to let the rest progress by itself. I had my apprehensions if the pains were all for nothing, but i think it really helped avoid any later induction and bring on labour spontaneously.

We left the hospital and i just didn't have the confidence to go back all the way home, so we went to a friend's place twenty minutes away. There I continued to have early labour pains which progressed quickly in a couple of hours. Her two year old son must have heard some lovely language that evening but mother and son provided the best shelter for us, sent me for a hot shower, clothed and fed me by which time I was right ready to go back to the hospital even if i had to sit in the parking lot.

My contractions were coming in at about 5-1-1 by then but i wasn't sure i could have dilated from two to five so quickly so i was quite nervous that we were too early for the hospital. The pains were intense though, i remember sitting in the car in quite a bit of traffic in some trance almost. The lights were dim (traffic?) and the music was lovely (thanks pras) and i think i took mini naps between contractions.

We reached AMC and the staff was already there prepared for us at around 8.45 pm. I was just more than 4cm.

*Active labour:*

The next six hours felt like a drunken dance, even at that time. They guided me through various positions, none that involved lying on a bed (which I couldn't have done at that point). From kneeling chest down on a floor mat to move the baby to an ideal position, to leaning on a high cushion on the bed, to sitting on the birth ball as well as rocking using the cloth ropes from the ceiling. Everytime the contractions got deeper, we tried different movements. There was a time when we couldn't find the tall stand to go over the bed and pras legit got down on all fours on the bed so I could crutch on him and ease my contractions immediately 🥰. The lights were blue and dim. We played a ton of scuba footage on the giant screen on the wall and there were whales and turtles 🐳 swimming with me in the room. I got into the water for some pain relief which really helped though i got the shivers once i got out. After that i knew i didn't have the energy to get back in unless it was the final time to push.

*The Second stage:*

When i was about 8cm dilated, my water finally broke and i felt a huge release in pressure - at least by fifty percent. The team guided me through a few more contractions and then i got into the water tub just after 9cm.

They told me not to force the push but to breathe out the baby - words that were embedded in my head then. It was not easy and i definitely struggled to hold back but it was to reduce the risk of tearing too much. I know i feebly asked for an epidural a couple of times but i really wanted to be aware and conscious of the process so i didn't end up taking anything. There was someone sponging my face with cold towels, someone pouring warm water from the tub onto my back so I don't get the chills again, someone pointing a fan to my face and some turtles swimming to the best music and lights on the screen. I remember saying that i felt like a water buffalo being bathed just then and we all let out a good laugh. I feel like I remember every second of it almost. There was a point when i told pras to throw his phone cause i didn't care if anyone outside the room was updated or not. I also screamed at him for getting stressed hearing me scream, poor thing. And when i wailed that it was hurting and he cleverly asked what is hurting all i could scream was that my damn cervix was! 😂 All i wanted was absolute calm at that point and i got exactly that from AMC, esp Janhavi and Salomi chechi. They were a world of strength and calm.

"Everyone's labour is unique and we seldom have any control over how things pan out."

By the time i was ready to push again, there were two doctors, a midwife, my friend and acting doula, nurses, pras and i. Some hamstring cramps made it all a bit harder but finally in what i think were about 4-5 pushes after crowning, our son was fully out - only the head was the hard part, the rest followed surprisingly easily. I know i definitely screamed very loudly then - all the energy saved up from not screaming through the entire first stage. They put him on me in the tub itself and nobody even felt the need to rush to see the gender. We just enjoyed the moment. Pras cut the chord (i really didn't feel like seeing anything 😂) and then baby and father were taken out for a super quick check up. I remember touching the vernix in my hand and feeling a bit yuck, and there was also a point in the pushing where i was screaming "is this poop or my baby?!" 🥲 Honestly i didn't care about the gross, except to feel a tiny bad for anyone in the room who was subjected to it.

*The third stage:*

The placenta was something I was dreading, i really dislike blood. But i got terribly lucky and i didn't have to deliver it, it just slipped out by itself into the tub almost right away. Saved us some mess on the bed.

I had torn a bit, but i didn't feel it while pushing which really helped. The aftermath is a different story - I sometimes felt almost worse than actual labour!

I finally got to the bed and had i think an hour of skin to skin after which i got stitches while pras had skin-to-skin - this part is now a blur to me.

General notes:

- pick the music for your drive to the hospital in advance

- don't have anybody waiting in the room outside for you, there's enough time to tell them to come once the baby is born and golden hour is over

- conserve screaming energy, you really need it by the end

- a sipper and energy bars of some kind are your best friend

- i wish I hadn't pushed even how much I did, if it would have prevented a tear

- humour is a fantastic tool

From all the snippets i heard, this was everything that i had hoped for and i really did not expect to feel so beautiful about the birth. Labour was one of the big reasons i wasn't interested in having a child for a long time but it really felt unbelievable. Our piscean baby boy was pushed out into water in what felt like the middle of the ocean itself. ♥️ My heart is very full.