Ten Months Apart

My second pregnancy happened just ten months after my first. It wasn't something I had planned, but once I knew I was pregnant, there was never any question in my mind, I wanted this baby.

I was due in October, but during one of my appointments my doctor explained that my uterine wall was very thin after my previous Caesarean. Waiting until my due date could increase the risk of complications, so we decided on an elective C-section a little earlier. I trusted her advice completely.

As they prepared me for surgery, I was given the spinal anaesthesia. I remember accidentally stretching my back while they were administering it, something I wasn't supposed to do.

Once the surgery began, I could actually see the reflection of everything in the glasses my obstetrician was wearing. I watched them make the incision and begin the surgery. Even today, I can picture those moments as clearly as if they happened yesterday.

Then they lifted my baby out.

Everyone in the operating room was busy doing what they needed to do, and no one told me whether I had a boy or a girl. I finally asked, "Is it a boy or a girl?" The doctor smiled and said, "A girl."

A single tear rolled down my cheek. One boy. One girl. In that moment, I felt complete.

"Every birth is different even for the same mother."

But within minutes, something changed.

The numbness from the spinal anaesthesia seemed to move higher than expected. My chest felt completely numb. I couldn't feel myself breathing, and no matter how hard I tried, it felt as though no air was going into my lungs. I remember the panic on my face before I could even find the words. When I finally managed to tell the doctors that I couldn't breathe, they acted immediately. I don't remember exactly what they did, only that it gradually settled.

For years afterwards, I struggled with wheezing. Whether it was directly related or not, I cannot say with certainty, but it became a part of my life for almost eight years and still makes an occasional appearance even now.

Emotionally, this birth was very different from my first.

No one spoke about a "normal" delivery this time. A Caesarean was expected because my pregnancies were so close together, and I had accepted that long before I entered the operating theatre. But that didn't mean the judgment disappeared. Instead, people questioned how I had become pregnant again so soon. It was as though they had forgotten that life doesn't always follow carefully planned timelines. I had made my choice to continue the pregnancy, and I have never regretted it.

Looking back, my two births couldn't have been more different. One left me feeling like my body had failed me. The other reminded me how quickly things can change even during a planned surgery.

But motherhood?

That has been the constant. Through every unexpected turn, every fear, every scar, every joy, it has remained the most challenging, humbling, and beautiful journey of my life.